Just 'phoria

Yesterday was a great day. Today was still good. I was at about a 3.9 million times grateful.

I had a full day at work. I remembered about 3 clients in that I do have the best job in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. My life calms down when I go to work. I feel bad for people who don't get to have a job this relaxing and fun at the same time.

I didn't have a lot of pain, my non operated eye is what's making me confused as to why it thinks it has the right to hurt. What? Does IT need attention, is he feeling left out of the game?

I'm learning how to perform my services while not looking down at my client. I pretty much can do the entire facial, shoulder, arm massage parts with out looking down. That's why I put cotton rounds on your eyes while your with me so you can't see that I'm not looking at you. :) I am very busy this week so I will be glad to not work my 10 hr. day on Friday due to the holiday. But I'm jam packed the hours I'm there today,Wed.Thurs,Sat. Then we'll see how my eye feels. May have to boar them out.

It's Eyephoria

Only about 3 million times a day I think how grateful I am.

When I am not in pain the number spikes to around 4 million.

Today I'm up to 4.5 million.

I feel really good. I want to remember this. Really good.

No pain - not even in my unoperated eye - I finally figured out how to stop that last night. I think it had been having a little baby muscle spasm for the past month in it's superior oblique so finally I bit the bullet and just stuffed my finger in it for about a minute. Guess what - It hasn't hurt since!. I don't recommend doing this. But you know, Desperated times call for...

My operated eye is under the control of just tylenol and Ibuprofen. I'm happy with that. There was many weeks where it was out of control. So all in all I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and it's not a train.

So now that my heart is fixed, my eyes fixed, My neck is awesome! Oh and I lost all my heart surgery weight! So I'm back to my pre wedding weight - that's awesome let me tell ya~!

I am officially - invincible!

Of course, I've been off of work for 5 days so we'll see how invincible I am after this week. I'm booked pretty solid the next couple of months. It kind a bites to feel so good and then have your eyes limit you - but I'm not focusing on that tonight.

I'm invincible at the moment. Me and Billy Joels "Songs in the Attic".

What more could a girl ask for?

And yes, I did have a Vodka Tonic

Rediscovered

It's official. Musicians may come and go but I will always have a special spot in my little heart for Billy Joel. I will always be a sucker for 52nd street & Songs in the Attic.

Then I would have to say led zeppelin would be 2nd - Esp. Physical Graffitti - side two.

Then Elton. Elton lost some merits in the past few years after attending a couple of his concerts but he still is an amazing Pianist, so he gets irrevocable points for that.

John Mayer, Brandi Carlile - I love you guys too but you have to be in the biz for a couple decades before you get your place in music history. Hang in there.

Movie Number 2

I had plans all day to just enjoy being home alone. I set up my new printer and it actually worked! Wireless at that! So that was fun. Then I putzed down in my office. Made some banana bread as it's Jim's favorite. Took a nap etc. All the while Jim was with his family sledding. I was getting a bit antsy so I ran to the grocery store to get ingredients for my "olive garden soup".

Turns out I actually got a tad lonely. So I decided to call up some friends and have them come over and get snowed in with us and watch my second movie, "Bed Time Stories" IT was a cute movie but I missed a lot of it as our two yr old friend was climbing all over and being silly. But that was fine. I love that kid and would rather watch him all day then some movie. Part way into the movie the "yams" stopped by and all us girls squished on the couch while the guys sat on bar stools and we finished the movie.

Then of course, one conversation leads to another and I'm waxing a few people including myself. So much for resting the eyes. But all in all it was a good day - I didn't have to work, I got to make good soup, I was with my friends and I even got a nap. All the while it snowed outside.

Tomorrow I will get some real work done down in my office - for now - I'm off to bed.

Movie Number 1

Under direct order from Dr. Holmes, I am on movie number one of 4 that I have rented.

What a great prescription!

I have Jim watching "Julie and Julia" With me, which only motivated Jim to move to the kitchen and put together some ungodly combination of food items that were never ment to be in the same bowl. No, really. Wild rice - Plain! with I'm pretty sure peanut butter, and butter. Yes, that was not a typo- Not joking people.

Anyway, I am resting my eyes by watching movies. Go figure! When Dr. Holmes said that I was taken aback. But then wholeheartedly embraced it.

I drove all day to Rochester and back on Monday - which you think would leave me exhausted and miserable. But no, Turns out driving all day leads to no pain the next day. Makes no sense.

That's even after working all day. I only had two 8 hr. tylneol in the a.m. lasted til bed time then the pain returned. I'm not complaining because I had a very busy day at work including two intense acne treatments which is like minor surgery. Which I never used to think of but now I sort of dread. I dread the pencil in the eye feeling that comes with looking through my diopter. I'm so grateful to not see waxing on my schedule. Do you know how wrong it is to know what it is like to feel your superior oblique? You are not supposed to feel your eye muscles. I should just be grateful that I don't know what the other 4 eye muscles feel like. It's just so crazy to know exactly what or how long your superior oblique is. And my left eye is shorter than my right. You know, the guy who rearranged my eye muscles most likely doesn't even know what his superior oblique feels like.

Okay - that is all. These are the thoughts I have while I am supposed to be resting my eyes.

Over and out.

Interesting day at the Mayo

So today I went to the Mayo Clinic again. I had plans to see the Genetics department and learn more about this " connective tissue disorder". I ended up seeing the Eye Dr. again as I have been having plenty O' pain this past few days. So since I was there I stopped in to just make sure everything was fine. And it was. Just needs to build strength and that will take time.

I did finally stop doing research on eyes. But now I'll probably move in to doing more research on Marfan's Vs Ehlers Danlos.

The Geneticist doesn't know yet what I might have if anything. But ordered more tests. One is an echocardiogram which I'll have Monday. Echo's are cool! No pain but very interesting. Unfortunately they can show heart problems. I for one can't do any more heart problems. Nope, notta one. So, we'll see what it shows.

Stuck

I'm still stuck on doing research. It's like I can't get enough information on this eye subject. I have to understand every inch of it in order to do something constructive with this pent up anxiety over this dumb surgery. I've read so many medical articles that I'm starting to understand the "medical language". Just need to shut my brain off from this subject. UGH

Dec. 7th
I ended up calling my old Psychologist as I was having panic attacks. I hadn't seen her in a couple of years.  I was feeling all those old feelings of serious depression come back.  She got me in  this evening.  After 30 minutes I understood why I was feeling the way I was.  And I'm much better.  Depression she says usually starts with Anger, well , it was obvious what I was angry about - my last eye Dr. and what I felt he did to me.  How he let me go thinking I was fixed and how he let me walk around for 10 YEARS broken!  Embarrassing myself with this ridiculous head tilt! Then the OCD reaction to research.  She said true OCD is an anxiety disorder. I really didn't have anything to be anxious about - everything went great! Couldn't have gone better.  But for some reason being so angry with this Dr. triggered some true post traumatic stress from some of the things that were done years ago.  Very interesting how I buried that for 10 years and how it can come all racing back to you.  I feel much better - Panic attacks immediately ended and she gave me an assignment to write him a letter unedited. So I did.  THAT WAS THERAPEUTIC! I'll tell ya!  I had a lot to say and it was good to put it into complete sentances.  AHHHHHHH -  much better - getting unstuck.

6 weeks post eye surgery

This week I'm 6 weeks post strabismus surgery.
This was technically my fourth eye surgery in 16 years.Although, I had one procedure that was like surgery without anesthesia. So maybe my 5th surgery.  I thought possibly blogging about it might help me sort out all these non stop thoughts in my head.
I am still in shock that I actually got this personal problem fixed. I literally never thought of ever not seeing double. Most people around me didn't know how much double vision I had. I never really spoke too much about my eye problems and now everyone knows and I talk about it all the time. Well, I'm sick of talking about it. Just wish I could go back to the time when no one knew and it was just my personal little secret. I do appreciate that people care but sometimes you just want to move on. I'll have days where I say - nope, not going to think about it today and then 8 people ask how your eyes are.. So ya know...
mostly my brain is stuck on the last 10 years. I'm mad at myself for tolerating this eye problem, I'm angry with the Dr. who let me think there was nothing else to do. Well, I don't want to focus on the past - I hate that I'm stuck on that! That's not like me. People who dwell on the past are going backward. I need a project to focus on the here and now and look forward to the future. I know I'll be focusing soon on my 78 yr old friend Nancy, who has pancreatic cancer. That definetly takes my mind off myself. But I wish it had a happier outcome. This is my first blog - we'll see how it goes..