Stuck

I'm still stuck on doing research. It's like I can't get enough information on this eye subject. I have to understand every inch of it in order to do something constructive with this pent up anxiety over this dumb surgery. I've read so many medical articles that I'm starting to understand the "medical language". Just need to shut my brain off from this subject. UGH

Dec. 7th
I ended up calling my old Psychologist as I was having panic attacks. I hadn't seen her in a couple of years.  I was feeling all those old feelings of serious depression come back.  She got me in  this evening.  After 30 minutes I understood why I was feeling the way I was.  And I'm much better.  Depression she says usually starts with Anger, well , it was obvious what I was angry about - my last eye Dr. and what I felt he did to me.  How he let me go thinking I was fixed and how he let me walk around for 10 YEARS broken!  Embarrassing myself with this ridiculous head tilt! Then the OCD reaction to research.  She said true OCD is an anxiety disorder. I really didn't have anything to be anxious about - everything went great! Couldn't have gone better.  But for some reason being so angry with this Dr. triggered some true post traumatic stress from some of the things that were done years ago.  Very interesting how I buried that for 10 years and how it can come all racing back to you.  I feel much better - Panic attacks immediately ended and she gave me an assignment to write him a letter unedited. So I did.  THAT WAS THERAPEUTIC! I'll tell ya!  I had a lot to say and it was good to put it into complete sentances.  AHHHHHHH -  much better - getting unstuck.