A blessing

I was just thinking again what a blessing my new eyesight is.  I was simply looking out my window at the peak of the neighbors house where a little bird was tweeting in the rain.  And couldn't help but realize again how I can't believe my double vision is gone.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think I wouldn't have that. It's a little lonely not being able to share this experience with someone.  It's like seeing a beautiful sunset day after day that causes you to be in awe but when you try to explain what you see, no one can comprehend what you are talking about.  Like they just can't see the colors and how beautiful it is. 

Seeing double all my life than not seeing double AT ALL.  Is just beautiful.  I can separate pain from success. I have pain yes, but I have success too. Today I'm focusing on the success of it all.

I've wanted lots of things but I really only absolutely needed one thing from God, and I got that 5 years ago.   Then I got a second surprise this last summer , I lost 26 lbs, which was great.  But then this surgery.  Never did I imagine my eyes fixed.  I know I've said that before many times. But I'm still amazed. I didn't even know I needed this, this badly.  I didn't realize that my eyes were kinda  miserable.  I consider it a blessing from God that I took one little step and within a short time I was matched up with the people that could fix it.  It's the coolest thing!

So even on a rainy, cold day where snow is in the forecast!  I'm so happy and feel very grateful for my eyes. ( and my straight neck!)

Pain update

Pain was quite strong this morning, I cried while I dried my hair.  I'm just so tired of the pain.  It's hard to be cheerful and outgoing when your face feels like it got hit with a baseball bat. And I have to be happy at work. No one wants a miserable esthetician. I did take 400 mg of Ibup. by 8:30 a.m. then another 400  at 11 a.m.  pain got to about a 6.  I'm just so frustrated and I can't figure this pain out.  Why 6 mo. after surgery?  WHY WHY WHY! ?  Then all of the sudden it left at about 1:15 and was gone for most of the afternoon minus some Jabs of pain here and there.  I can handle Jabs it's the long deep pain I could do with out.  But I did have several hrs with out the intense pain.  I feel it coming back now so I'll go load up again. Tramadol works great for pain I'm just a tad allergic to it.  I'm always waiting for the day my throat swells shut.  Oh well, that's why God made bendryl.

Okay, no blogs now til maybe Sunday - I hope. I started reading my bible this morning and that's when the real ache started.  Go figure.  Have to find a way to read with the bible in front of me so I don't have to look down.

Bad dreams

 Last night I had my same dream I was seeing double again -I've been having these dreams a couple times a week. But last night it was a nightmare that woke me up at 4 a.m.  I drempt that Dr. C. actually said, "sorry it's getting bad again" She was going to suggest another surgery or just opt to leave it be and give up"  I hyperventilated in my dream ....  anyway the dream continued but I won't bore you.  Just that now I can't shake this out of my head today.
 11:02 p.m. I am still thinking about the possibilities of loosing my single vision.  I think with my connective tissue 'issues' I worry that the muscles will stretch out and I'll eventually go back to what I've always know.  I'll have to ask the doc in Oct. what he thinks of that and why he thinks this surgery will not have the same eventuality.  Now that would be cruel  knowing how good, single vision with no head tilt is only to loose it.
That being said.  I think I need to stop this blog .  I'm blogging too much.  I need to throw myself into something that matters.  I love writing but enough is enough!  I need to totally engross myself in something else to try to move on.  I didn't think a full minute about my eyes at all in the past 10 yrs. Dr. C. said I suppressed my eye problems quite a bit.  So maybe there's hope I can suppress it again.   So maybe I'll post once a week for now then get farther and farther apart.
I  really want to learn ASL and I would like to read the bible straight through before my brother and his wife   go to NY for missionary school.  Two very good goals to replace eyeball obsessing.

May 3rd

My thoughts go out to a certain someone who is having his first and hopefully last surgery for strabismus tomorrow.   I don't know anyone personally who has had this surgery so I hope one day to be able to talk openly with him about his experience.  As I would love to be able to have someone who could relate. I'm praying for ya and Dr. C.