Happy to Report...

I'm happy to report that I did not undergo my self inflicted Eye-Ectomy and am enjoying a few days with out 'loud' eye discomfort. I think the pain just Maxed out Wednesday night and now it's got it all worked out of it's little muscles. Like a little child that cries themselves to sleep.

My back is much better - Yea! My shoulder is still hanging out but the Chiropractor told me where I have to push to get it to go in. It slips in and out of place. Not too bad.

I'm still very grateful for how this whole eye surgery experience is turning out. It has done a lot to renew my trust in Doctors. I lost that for a while. Glad to have it back. I'm not a person that has the luxury of not trusting Doctors. That's the story of my life. I will always need good Doctors who are trying their best.

Eye-Ectomy

I'm ready to do a left eye - ectomy. How could it possibly be this angry? It didn't have surgery. I don't know if it's aware of this.

Last night I woke every hour I think. Each time well aware of the pain my left eye was in. I had such a killer headache even with the Dilaudid and a muscle relaxer it didn't get rid of the eye pain in my NON operated eye.

Finally in the morning I took one more Dilaudid at 6:30 a.m. slept for two uninterrupted hours which was nice. But woke with the same headache/eye ache. So I took 4 ibuprofen. Guess what? That killed the eye pain. What the >>>> is up with this eye? I can't believe it. It is just inflamed. Why? Get off my side.

I picture myself taking a spoon and stuffing it in my eye and flinging it across the room. Hence, an Eye Ectomy.

Oh, and did I mention how my left shoulder dislocated today. So my left arm is useless. If I was a horse they would...

It's like a ride you want to get off....

I'm not going to lie, it's been a rough couple of weeks. The pain in my low back, sacroilia joint, to be specific, is my constant companion. I have been in some form of pain since Oct. 20th when I had eye surgery. If I had had this back pain before eye surgery. I probably wouldn't have considered my eye pain to really be pain. Although looking back, it did land me in bed. It was just a different kind of limiting pain.

Most Mondays I spend with my elderly friend at Coborns Cancer Center. Today was no exception. However, after meeting with her oncologist today I'm even more in a funk. It's just not right. Today is the one year anniversary that she lost her husband suddenly. Saturday she fell so bad in her driveway she knocked herself out, laying in the street for a minute til she regained consciousness. She's pretty banged up. Then today the Dr. all but said maybe she could choose if she wants to continue treatment or stop.

I have all I can do not to knock her over the head again and drag her back to my house and live with me. She shouldn't be alone. But try and tell her that.

No one should loose their husband, their brother, their only brother in law, see their sister whom you love, have Alzheimer's, be 78, and get terminal cancer all in one year.

This pain is really killing me. It so stops me from being my full potential. I had three weeks at optimum function. It was so great. I have to get back to that. I have a lot to give to others. I feel like I could really do a lot of good for others if I just didn't have this stupid body! I hate it! I can dislocate a joint just by sneezing, or stepping out of the car. This pain is tripping me up big time. Everyone asks me, 'how did you hurt your back?' If I had a nickel every time someone asked me that! I'd have a million dollars. Do you feel my frustration?

(Nancy ended up dying December 19th 2011 more so from lack of food than cancer)

The pendulum swings

The crushing back pain has shifted. I knew today that it was going to be better. When my feet hit the ground the pain was different. About a 5 on the pain scale.

It's all about controlling your thinking. So I've been trying to do that. Extreme pain can drive you nuts! You actually loose your perspective on reality a little. So I've been working on controlling my thinking. Not letting myself get ahead of myself with all the worst case scenarios. I also forgot to listen to music for a week. So I started doing that. Then I decided to distract myself and get a "project" So to my pleasant surprise, I was able to start my ASL classes on line Wednesday night. That was fun and I got to focus on something besides my pain issues.

Then today, my first client. What a great person! Again, I love my job. I just realized all over again that we each have our own burdens we carry. Some it's physical. Some it's relationship problems. Some it's both. Then you watch what's happening in Haiti.

Yesterday when I was in 12 different kinds of pain, I didn't know if I should grab my back side or grab my eye. It's actually quite funny. Anyway, I was at my podiatrist waiting for an HOUR! Getting irritated waiting I started looking through every Newsweek magazine in the office - I looked through all the photos of Haiti. I can't imagine the pain and suffering. At least I can go to a Doctor and get some pain meds. I can go back to my delicious sleep number bed and rest. I can't imagine some of these people lost their homes, Could be dealing with crushed bones waiting for relief then possibly having lost family members, all at the same time. Wow. Now my pain doesn't seem so bad.

Pain Changes Things

As my young friend Nathan once said, 'I'm a man, meant for pain!"

Pain changes everything. Last week and the three before that I was on cloud 10 floating around like nothing could burst my bubble. I knew I wouldn't always feel that way just didn't know it would end so abruptly. I'm not saying that great feeling won't come back, but what a bummer. They are treating me for a displaced sacroiliac joint. The Pain is unbelievable. I'll take eye pain any day over this. I have to just focus as I go through the day and just breathe and get through whatever task is at hand and deal with the pain. I'm taking Dilaudid which I thought would knock you on you butt, however, it doesn't. It just barely takes some of the severe pain away. Which I'm grateful it does that. I'm glad I can still drive and go to work and take a pain med stronger than Ibuprofen. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Which come to think of I can't think of who my worst enemy would be anyway. So that's something to be grateful for. :)

Eyes Pain overshadowed

So there was reason I wanted to blog about how good I was feeling when I felt it. This past week my low back pain has now escalated to a level of pain I haven't seen since heart surgery. I even went to the medical Dr. yesterday to get stronger pain meds. I took 2 pain meds and 2 muscle relaxers and woke up in so much pain this morning that I nearly passed out upon awakening. I went back to the Chiropractor where he informed me it's time for an MRI. $1500 - $2000. So I think I will add a paypal button to my blog page which no one but me reads so that each person that visits can make a contribution to my co pay of $5800/ :)

But that is why I am so glad my eye surgery went so well as I knew I had hard things coming up - I didn't forsee intense back pain. But while in pain I am still focusing on how grateful I am that I can see straight. Can't have everything Greta!

Haiti

My heart goes out to those in Haiti. I can't even imagine. It puts all our problems in perspective.

Good Long Week

It's Friday night, I don't ever remember being this tired - ever!

Yesterday was a good day. Not too much pain at all. Little tired but again. Just grateful. It was kind of embarrassing, we had our monthly meeting. Well I made out like a bandit. I won the drawing for $50. I made all my bonuses. I exceeded my retail record by $200. Then we had some contest and won $79 more. Plus a nice healthy retail check for a total of $521.00. So I was pretty happy. But then Tanya asks her final question like she likes to do and it was "what do you want to accomplish in 2010?" Simple question and I'm thinking she wants business goals but each of the girls start listing personal life goals - which is good too. I went last - which was mistake. I had too much time and all I could think is I got my eyes fixed what more could a person want. We'll I went to speak and then just broke up and told them what I was thinking crying the whole way through. It was pathetic but kind of sweet as Tanya , Danielle and others started crying. Tanya did - that doesnt' happen every day. God bless that girl!

Even though I'm tired and my eye is firing off little twinges of hurt I am still smiling like an idiot.(on the inside) Too Tired to actually smile.

Pain progress

I think I'll blog to see how the pain reduces. - try to track it so I can see the progress. I keep thinking the pain will magically disappear but it doesn't. I know it will probably slowly fade until one day it dawns on me that I haven't felt it for a while.

Yesterday I had a big day at work - pretty much the entire 7 hours I worked looking through the diopter. I had three teens in a row with 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade acne. Each requiring extractions, which has caused me sharp pain in my eye. Then I did some waxing and other extractions. I didn't have any real pain. So I was pretty excited thinking I was out of the woods. Silly me. By bed time I was feeling my eye. I actually hurt when I go to shut my eyes to sleep. Hurt is not the same as Pain. Hurt is stronger than feel. So my eyes hurt. Then today I woke up and yes, it was sore kinda achy. Took two tylenol. and Nope, not going to phase it today. So then later on this afternoon I took three ibuprofen and it did go away for a couple hours but now it's coming back. Little frustrated as this means that I still have to be aware of not looking down too much. And I have a full day tomorrow just like Tuesday then Friday I have my 10 hour day. I did manage to block out two hours for a nap ( like I can really sleep at work ) on Fridays for the next 6 wks. So it's really an 8 hour day. And then Saturday - UGH. I kind of dread how my eyes will do come Saturday night.

I don't know if I was just tired today or it was the pain but my eye was definitely not happy. It didn't want to work to its full potential. Probably because it did so much yesterday. My non operated eye was fine - no real pain, and no 'finger trick' needed. I love my friends but often they have to comment on what they think my eye is doing. Green - Green is a comment I get alot. My eye looks 'bruised'. Love that comment -not. Then they always point out that my lid is 'droopy' Droopy is a lovely word isn't it? I hate on days when I feel really great they'll say my eye looks sore or droopy. Like the day I told 'JR' I am so happy I have to pinch myself and she said, "that's Great, even though you still have problems!" What? What problems is she referring too? So anyway, I love my friends but I wish I could sometimes put my eye 'issues' back in it's box where they lived for so long.

Just walking around Grateful

While I'm writing this post I, of course, am listening to music. Shocking, I know. I'm listening to Elton's "Mona Lisa's and Mad Hatters" Probably my all time Favorite Elton John song.

I tell ya, I am just so happy lately I have to pinch myself. I just can't believe something this good could happen to me. Having my vision and my head not tilted is like a new lease on life. I wish everyone could feel this. It sounds crazy but I am grateful for my health issues as they have taught me lessons that I would not have learned otherwise. Seriously, I was happy before my eyes were fixed, I didn't think I needed a miracle. But I got one. It's not everyday you get a gift like this. I do worry that I will loose it and my vision will slip back towards the way it was. But I just can't imagine it ever being that bad again. And if it does slip, well, I'll deal with it.

Yesterday was just a fantastic day. I had this day at work that was amazing! I was "on". I had two new clients which always gives me a charge. The last woman was new to me but we instantly hit it off. I stayed an extra hour for her but could tell she needed it and would appreciate it. I had as nice a time as she did! Some people you just wonder if you were meant to meet. She was one. Then she proceeds to go to the owner of the salon and right infront of me go on and on about her little experience with me. I was a little red but I have to say - That made my day. I think to myself, What is it with my clients lately? They are just saying things to me that make you want to cry. But then I realize, I think my attitude of gratitude is probably what they are picking up on and reflecting it back to me.

After work I went to the meeting at the Kingdom Hall and it was great and everyone wanted to just stay an visit, no one felt like going home.

Then at 10:30 p.m. we went over to our good friends/neighbors and had martini's and talked smart til way to0 late. Again, as we are all sitting there and I'm just listening to everyone talking I realize again, I'm just so grateful. All of this and great friends? I want to feel like this everyday forever. Is that so wrong? And no, I did not have a Vodka Tonic before writing this. :)