It's like a ride you want to get off....

I'm not going to lie, it's been a rough couple of weeks. The pain in my low back, sacroilia joint, to be specific, is my constant companion. I have been in some form of pain since Oct. 20th when I had eye surgery. If I had had this back pain before eye surgery. I probably wouldn't have considered my eye pain to really be pain. Although looking back, it did land me in bed. It was just a different kind of limiting pain.

Most Mondays I spend with my elderly friend at Coborns Cancer Center. Today was no exception. However, after meeting with her oncologist today I'm even more in a funk. It's just not right. Today is the one year anniversary that she lost her husband suddenly. Saturday she fell so bad in her driveway she knocked herself out, laying in the street for a minute til she regained consciousness. She's pretty banged up. Then today the Dr. all but said maybe she could choose if she wants to continue treatment or stop.

I have all I can do not to knock her over the head again and drag her back to my house and live with me. She shouldn't be alone. But try and tell her that.

No one should loose their husband, their brother, their only brother in law, see their sister whom you love, have Alzheimer's, be 78, and get terminal cancer all in one year.

This pain is really killing me. It so stops me from being my full potential. I had three weeks at optimum function. It was so great. I have to get back to that. I have a lot to give to others. I feel like I could really do a lot of good for others if I just didn't have this stupid body! I hate it! I can dislocate a joint just by sneezing, or stepping out of the car. This pain is tripping me up big time. Everyone asks me, 'how did you hurt your back?' If I had a nickel every time someone asked me that! I'd have a million dollars. Do you feel my frustration?

(Nancy ended up dying December 19th 2011 more so from lack of food than cancer)