"I have a dream!"

Mr. Martin Luther isn't the only one who has a dream.
I'm having real trouble with my eye and head tilt this week.  Problem is I can't describe what is exactly going on. You know what? Sometimes, I don't have a clue what is going on.
I've been sick with a basic cold this week.  Plus my back is still hurting from dislocating this dumb joint in my pelvis.   I did that a good while ago.
I'm so very tired but then today as I sat at the Kingdom Hall eye was struggling and my heart was so goofy.  The rhythm was all over the place.  I asked my friend for her watch and timed it. It was 60 bpm then I felt it change it jumped to 82 p.b.m. I felt almost sick and that I needed to sleep. Yet I felt out of breath.  So I took the car, leaving Jimbo to find his own way home.  I slept for 45 min.  And felt better.  Then off to clean a business.

Since I had that scary episode with my veins popping out of my head all week, I've had renewed interest in what in the h e double hockey sticks is wrong with me.

"Beaker" 

I really wanted to go get help back when I had that killer headache where I really thought I was going to stroke. But I couldn't. Two times that week I really thought I may die. A person should go to the hospital when they really think they're going to die.  Not me.  I know how it goes.  They do all these tests and nothing shows up typical so they send you home with a huge bill and no more answers than when you went in.  Once they kept me for 3 nights and just let me go.  You shoulda heard what I told the Cardiologist I had at the time.  Ha!  I affectionately refer to him to this day as "beaker" He looked just like "beaker" from the  Muppets.  I laugh as I write this remembering how I grilled him about his knowledge of anti inflammatories and how they work.  You had to be there, but I was in a bad, bad mood being locked in for 3 days as they ran every crazy test on me.    Ha ha ha.  I was livid.  But just because you're called a "Doctor" doesn't mean that all Dr.'s are genius'.  This guy was an idiot.  I mean he had to know he sounded like an idiot.  I had distant friends visiting that day when "beaker" came in to discharge me.  They could vouch for what a geek he was. Unfortunately, that was one of the main experiences that make me never want to go to the hospital again.  Earlier this was the same Dr. who told me my aorta was rupturing when all it was, was a scar from the bypass machine.  BIG MISTAKE!

My dream is that I could walk into Mayo. Some department could look over everything, understand exactly what's happening and know exactly what the deali-o is and tell me how to live my life and when to be truly concerned.  I wish there was a place I could go or someone I could call that would know what is going on and not over react and scare me with talk of aortic rupture, lupus, lymphoma, etc.  (These are things I've heard before).  And how is it that you can go to med school for umpteen years and not know  one thing about connective tissue?  Huh??? If I had a nickle for every cock eyed look when I said Marfans, or Ehlers Danlos. I'd have many nickles!
Anyway, I have a dream.   :)

It's back

Just logging here.
Rt. side eye pain came back tonight during a meeting.(thurs nite) First started in the jaw then mostly planted in my sup. obliq. like stabbing little jabs like there is a stick pin in my sup. obliq.  For about 20 min on and off intensely. I had trouble looking up while talking to people.  It aches all around the eye in the normal trail. Infra orbital nerve, then it branches up to the Trochlea but most of the strong pain is from the top of the ear ( I don't know how to spell superior auericularus)  to the infra orbital nerve ( where it comes out anyway)  I have to look back to see when the last time I had an episode.
I think it was the week after the Brandi Carlile concert Aug 29th to Sept. 6th.
I gotta say, everytime it goes away I totally believe "there, I am done forever with that"  then, it always totally surprises me when it returns.  I don' think I'll every get used to it.  I don't think you should get used to it. It's wrong :)
Oct. 2nd ( sat. night). The right eye is smarting. I don't think I could explain how it feels.  It kind of stings, aches, basically, it feels like I just had surgery. It hurts deep in the inside corner and across the top.
Oct 6th - not too bad, this one,  Just an on going ache in that eye area.  Only the sharp attack that one night at the meeting.

Tilting

I think I tilted all day.  I've been quite tired as we drove the 12 hours back from Missouri yesterday, got back at 11 p.m then cleaned two houses this morning then ran up to the hospital to be with Nancy. As I drove and as i type today I am so aware of the tilt. I try to correct it but it's just more comfy to tilt.  I don't see double when I correct it.  I just feel the eye struggle to keep things single.  So do I need to tilt?  I don't know, but it's easier.

Oct 2nd.  I have been very tilted since I posted this originally. It's like I'm wearing a 5 lb earring.  Very tired though with a head cold.  Last night I was so tired my eye did go 'shopping'  I was so tired I couldn't care less.

Laughter vs. Tears

So many "things" are happening right now that it's almost funny.
Really, I have to stop saying how much worse can it get.  Because it seems to just keep on coming!
My back if slowly mending,which is good as I am set to drive to MO for a long weekend to wish my brother fare well as he sets off to be a missionary.  We are doing family photos, blah blah blah.
But then today we are cleaning at a BIG house and the owner brought us lunch, which is sweet, we never get lunch.  I hurt my tooth.  What next?
Oh then  my cell rings and it's my friend saying the woman I've been overseeing with Pancreatic/lung cancer was just hospitalized with pneumonia.
I called the dentist, he thought I could wait til I get back from our trip.  I went to visit Nancy fearing that this could be the final spin for her and she starts crying as I leave.  Which tells me, please don't leave, I may never see you again.  That broke my heart.
Why does everything happen at once?  It's almost humorous.
But not.
This is why I am so stinkin glad my eye surgery was a success.  I try to focus on my great success with my eyes. It makes things a little less painful. Able to laugh at the rest.... well not laugh, but grin and bare it.