6 weeks post eye surgery

This week I'm 6 weeks post strabismus surgery.
This was technically my fourth eye surgery in 16 years.Although, I had one procedure that was like surgery without anesthesia. So maybe my 5th surgery.  I thought possibly blogging about it might help me sort out all these non stop thoughts in my head.
I am still in shock that I actually got this personal problem fixed. I literally never thought of ever not seeing double. Most people around me didn't know how much double vision I had. I never really spoke too much about my eye problems and now everyone knows and I talk about it all the time. Well, I'm sick of talking about it. Just wish I could go back to the time when no one knew and it was just my personal little secret. I do appreciate that people care but sometimes you just want to move on. I'll have days where I say - nope, not going to think about it today and then 8 people ask how your eyes are.. So ya know...
mostly my brain is stuck on the last 10 years. I'm mad at myself for tolerating this eye problem, I'm angry with the Dr. who let me think there was nothing else to do. Well, I don't want to focus on the past - I hate that I'm stuck on that! That's not like me. People who dwell on the past are going backward. I need a project to focus on the here and now and look forward to the future. I know I'll be focusing soon on my 78 yr old friend Nancy, who has pancreatic cancer. That definetly takes my mind off myself. But I wish it had a happier outcome. This is my first blog - we'll see how it goes..