I gave myself the 'day ' off. It feels great! I decided to chuck all my normal schedule today and skip my volunteer work today to enjoy the peace and quiet.
I am always WITH people. Jim is gone working all day, and our post grad. student will be gone all day today too. So I thought I'd enjoy having the day to myself. I have about 10 min. to write what I was thinking on my way home from Dr. Brent's where he did acupuncture on my eye. I thanked Dr. Brent for humoring me. I thanked him for being humble enough to trust me and tolerate my theories. Like when I tell him I think I need to be adjusted here or here. He listens to me. But then he confessed today that 97% of the time he runs the show and says to other patients, " Listen! I'm the Doctor here!" Kinda strange how he likes to remind me I am not normal. That never sits right with me. I think all the other people are not normal. :) How can people not be intune with their own body? Why wouldn't you do research on your own health. Why wouldn't you do your homework before you let someone take a knife after you while you are SLEEPING! Hello?
This confession led me to one small realization. The Doctors I have had good results with and got answers with are the ones that are willing to work WITH me, not ON me. The ones that are humble and real enough to look at the whole picture not just THEIR experience and their take on problems. I have this Podiatrist that wants to do a basic foot surgery on me, but my gut says no! get a different Doctor. He is one of the 'best' in the area. Something is just not right when I meet with him. It starts with making me wait 45min to an hour in the waiting room. That tells me he views his time as more important than others. Then he sits there with his arms crossed. Now that I think about it anyone else and I'd see right away his body language says , "My mind is closed for business" I hate to tell him I'm not going to let him do surgery on me. His wife is an angel and a good client of mine. Oh well. My foot really smarts at night so I know I will have to do this sooner than later.
But here's where the strabismus ties in. Ever since yesterday when Reg. said what she said. I've been thinking.... today I am back to stinkin grateful. I want to stay in grateful mode. It's better here. I have two choices, this is what Reggie pointed out. On one hand I can dwell on the fact that, yes, my only experience with eye surgery is that I eventually go bad and have to do it again. OR I can look at it and focus on the other hand. This surgery has been different from the get go. I had a little miracle. Little to others, and they may shrug like, 'oh, good for you'. But for me it was a HUGE miracle. A dream I never even had the courage to even dream of. I pinch myself once in a while when I am holding my head straight or even tilted to the right and I see straight! Never imagined.
Can I just say that the biggest surprise of this surgery is the RANGE of emotion? I really wish I was a guy and didn't have this much emotion! In the past 7-8 months I have experienced the greatest anger I have ever felt towards any human ever! And the greatest joy I have ever personally felt. The greatest inner contentment followed by serious doubt. Doubt in that I wonder, is this real? Am I going to wake up tomorrow and find it was a cruel joke? Maybe. But it's a choice. I need to stick with the side that says, 'Greta, you did get a miracle. It really happened. Enjoy it. Don't worry about the future cuz no one really knows what the future will hold. There's now way of knowing.
Yeah, I'm going with that - "I got a miracle" Now I just need to embrace it. I'm almost too scared to get my hopes up this far. My experience has always been seeing the other shoe drop. I'm crossing my fingers hoping that this time the shoe won't drop. This is it. It worked! Yeah!
Ha! Jason Mraz is on and the song is, " the remedy" the chorus " I won't worry my life away" Too Funny. Reggie always says things happen for a reason. Plus yesterday when we were talking, " Let it be" by the Beatles was on and she pointed it out! TOO FUNNY!
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