The past week I'm feeling more and more at peace with things. It's hard to describe. There's been so much more psychology with this surgery than I could ever imagine. The past is the past, I know that. I'll never really have peace with the Egghead section of my eye journey. Dr. H did much to restore my faith in Dr's. and give me back some hope that my health is not always a lost cause. He was about the polar opposite of Dr. Egghead I realize my eye troubles did affect me greatly, I just stuffed it down really really well. That's what was most troubling about the past 7 months. I hadn't dealt at all with what happened years ago and how terrified I was. I think if Egghead had been more congenial and communicated with me, even if I had the same surgical outcome, I wouldn't have had all of this emotional baggage to deal with and work through this go around. When I'm not in pain I don't worry so much about the future of my eyes. Today I was seeing double some. Mostly when I was laying on my bed watching TV, and I was tiliting a lot at this seminar this weekend, but because I'm not in pain it's not too upsetting. Put pain with double vision and then I worry. Pain clouds your thinking and good judgement.
I just wanted to post that I'm feeling good about things. Even though I was tilted today and saw double I realized if it came back I could deal with it. If it comes back it will take years anyway to get that bad again.
Double vision is not my fear. Surgery to fix double vision then having surgery go bad - that is my worst fear.
For now, that is not even on the horizon so I'm not going to worry about it. I just need the pain to stay away so I can move on more completely.
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