Weighing the options

I've had 3 different pain episodes the past 2.5 days- one good one during the night.  I don't care for it.  Is it terrible? No, not compared to say my back injury last Jan. Or open heart surgery when I awoke to find that my body doesn't recognize morphine as a pain killer -  that was pain!

I did go to Dr. Brent Friday, he put about 8 needles in and around the orbital area.  The one in my corrugator really hurt! I felt achy for about an hour then I felt real good. But then this morning while in my volunteer work it returned. All I had access too was Tylenol.  It may have worked or maybe it just left.  It does that sometimes.

Now I just have the jabs back. 

Here's the deal. It's not that the pain is so terrible all the time that I can't handle it.  But when it does come it is rather bad and I'm afraid of the pain coming back. So when I feel the jabs I wonder, "is it going to hit big time again?" 

So somehow I have to figure out again how to accept my new base line.  Before I had neck pain almost all the time, plus an embarrassing head tilt.  Now I have this pain.  I think I could roll with it better if I knew what was causing it.  I am a little tired of my entire being, being idiopathic.  I have to figure out how to accept something I don't understand. ? I'm not good at that.  I always want to understand everything when it involves my body.  If I don't understand you, well, I'm okay with that.  Not so with me.

I could go down to Mayo and try to get some answers but if I go to the Pain clinic like the Dr. thought, I'm afraid of what that might bring. Drugs - well, I never seem to respond to meds like 'normal' people.  You know all those rare side effects that people get.  Somebody does get those!  That would be me.  Like when the heart surgeon says, "no body is allergic to Tungsten Steel"  well, guess I'm nobody. My favorite side effect was to Dilaudid. " unusual feeling of euphoria" Now what is wrong with that?  I loved that. but knew it was not good.  I did feel awesome on that. 

Neurontin- see these are the type of drugs they may suggest.  I didn't tell Dr. H. all what happened with Neurontin. But it was bad. very bad. So I'm afraid.  I would take stabbing pain over neurontin any day. 

If I just understood what was going on I could roll with it.  I just can't figure it out. Frankly, can I say, I'm afraid of  having a problem with the trigeminal nerve.  I don't want that. AT ALL!  I could never with stand true trigeminal neuralgia. I can't get that. I just can't. So maybe if it continues I should at least figure out why so I could move on and live with it if I have to.  I'm scared that this was all just too good to be true. 

Would I have done the surgery knowing the possibility of all this pain.  Yes, of course. I just always forget there's a trade off.  I have this other Dr. who wants to do a basic foot surgery on me.  He doesn't understand why I don't just get the surgery done.  Well, this is exactly why.  I never go quite as scheduled.  I'm afraid I will be allergic to titanium. Or I won't be able to take the pain meds cuz I'm allergic to them.  To me there really isn't elective surgery. I have surgery when I absolutely need to.